My Tea Experiment

One thing I thought I truly enjoyed was my cup of tea. However I discovered that it was not about enjoyment; the cup of tea had become a need! That was when it became a problem because I felt uneasy when it was not available. A few days ago I decided to quit it. As expected, I got a terrible headache and it made me wonder why I was daily putting a substance into my body whose lack could create an effect of this magnitude? Thereafter, whenever the urge for tea would arise, I would breathe, relax, stay present to the urge till it passed. So, as a rule whenever I was needy of the tea, I would never reach out for it. But when I was sure that I could do without it but was choosing to enjoy it nonetheless I would have half a cup.

This opened up a Pandora’s box! I saw how many needs were controlling my life: need for a fixed routine, need for A person’s attention or need for B person’s goodwill. I did the same; whenever any of these needs arose, I breathed, softened, and let it pass through reminding my consciousness that I am whole and complete without the object of need. I can enjoy the object if life chooses to bring it to me without needing it. The promise of the Vedic rishis where they say each of us is ‘Nitya Purna,’ eternally complete, trenchantly played in the mind.

So many of us stay trapped in relationships that are non-progressive and keep orbiting the same circles of conflict and resentment. We are afraid to let go because we are convinced we need the person even if we suffer immensely through our interactions with the person. Whenever that need arises, instead of reaching out to the person, if we could stay with the fear of losing this person, relax, breathe and let it pass through, then to that extent to which we release the need, we can stop being the needy victim and live life in freedom on our own terms.

The same could apply for a professional or academic need to succeed. While we make all the efforts to succeed, we realise that each of us is complete and whole independent of success or failure. Then we can enjoy making the effort without the need for a preferred outcome. The problem is whether in relationships or professionally, we come from a place of lack and we have the illusion that if our needs are fulfilled we will be completed. That is like trying to quench our thirst with salt water. It is perhaps wiser to confront the root – our neediness, – see through it to the wholeness we eternally are!

- Anahita Sanjana ‎(India)