A Presence that Illuminates from Within

I was about 16 years when I was brought to Mother at Pondy ashram. I believe it was an invitation from Her, to re-establish my contact with Her in this lifetime. From then onwards, Her Presence has been constant. And herewith are some of the ways I experience Mother and Sri Aurobindo, how they guide me to treat every aspect of life as sadhana.

Reading Their writings, quiet time to listen to Their Guidance, were the initial two practices that helped me to prepare myself. Slowly and steadily She has shown me ways to develop interest and capacity to grow spiritually. 

About four years ago when I went to Pondy and sat down for meditation in one of the Centres I cried profusely in front of a graceful photo of Mother – though there was no reason for my tears nor did I feel any grief. Later a friend told me, it could have been a transmission from Her to expand my psychic opening. It was such a unique experience, for I felt lighter and joyous afterwards.

I believe Her Presence and Grace in me makes me feel warm and compassionate about anything and anyone that comes my way. It is a beautiful experience to live this way, where one is always guided to be in spiritual consciousness while looking at everyday affairs: be it is as simple as whether to give in to the temptations of eating a greasy food or about which hospital to approach when my daughter is sick; and am always given the choice whether to continue my habitual responses or stretch my capacities to grow further. Am not a regular visitor to the ashram nor the workshops offered, my reading of Their works also has drastically reduced - for I feel the Presence and the Guidance in everything that am meeting and doing, so the urge to refine myself further and further to be able to receive indications given by Mother and Sri Aurobindo is growing steadily.

Sri Aurobindo's indication comes to me more in silence. And soon after it would be followed up by a reading that would be sent to me, through some 'mysterious' sources which would confirm to me that this is what He had conveyed earlier. During two most challenging phases in my life, I was guided to read ‘Savitri’ and His other works. Suddenly I could understand and appreciate words and meaning, which were way beyond my capability earlier. Similarly there have been occasions when I have shared about my spiritual progress with someone and therefore digressed/stumbled and had to work harder to move ahead.

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I do experience my illogical fears, doubts, anxiety, sluggishness, jealousy, temptations, etc. – but am guided to keep offering all of it, and to treat everything as an opportunity to grow humbler. The feeling of Gratitude washes off all these other emotions in due time. I have often, out of frustration, asked how can Mother be so patient, in spite of my repeated failings and wrong choices, how is it that Her Grace is constant and She never loses trust in my ability to outgrow these tendencies... there arises only a warm feeling in my heart as a response, which calms me. And soon enough I shall receive a message, 'now enough, no self-pity, we have got work to do.' And it puts me back on track :))

Her Presence in me makes me experience everything beautiful and joyous, a feeling that is not dependent on anything outside, an uncontrollable urge to keep offering and wishing everyone well. It is like stumbling upon a joyous brook, full of cold mountain water, shimmering in sunlight, that keeps flowing and nourishing everything on its way.

And leaves me with a curiosity, how life would be if am more integral and deeply anchored only in Her Grace!

- Chitra (India)

Keywords: Divine Grace, The Mother, Sadhana, Spirituality